… would be a preferable fate to the unhappy experience of attempting to obtain breakfast at the inappropriately named “Breakfast Club” in Soho.
To be fair, the staff were friendly enough. Just incapable of delivering anything resembling a decent breakfast. A full description in the usual style might not be the best way to convey this experience, so instead I will merely list the pros and cons of our visit to The Breakfast Club, and let you decide for yourself.
The total order was: 2 x ‘All American’ cooked breakfasts, 2 x ‘Breakfast Burrito’, 1 x full English breakfast, 2 x Panackes with yoghurt and fresh fruit, 1 x veggie breakfast
- The pancakes were good
- Ordering at 8.15 am and not getting anything – not even the coffees – until 8.50am.
- The breakfast burrito was cold
- The ‘All American’ cooked breakfasts were cold
- The full English breakfast was also cold.
- The ‘pancakes’ in the All-American breakfast were not American pancakes – more like crepes. And were not improved by being cold.
- Two of the group left unfed – one because after 20 minutes and no sign of their pancakes, they had to cancel the order and leave for work. The other because the second breakfast burrito never actually arrived – and after a 40 minute wait to get the items that did arrive, the prospect of hanging around to see if they could whip up another cold burrito appealed to nobody.
- Being told that smoothies were off the menu because the member of staff that makes the smoothies hadn’t turned up and apparently no-one else knew how to work the machine
- The pancakes didn’t arrive until after the cooked breakfasts – clocking in at a distinctly unimpressive 45 minutes from order to arrival.
As their uber-trendy website is keen to point out, the Breakfast Cafes chain is ‘not Starbucks or McDonalds’ and their cafes ‘have their own personalities and quirks that includes menus and food’.
Maybe so. But when your food’s ‘quirk’ is that there’s a 1 in 4 chance that it won’t turn up, that’s not especially something to brag about. At least in Starbucks and McDonalds you have better than a 75% chance of actually getting fed.
Changing the topic somewhat, I would like to make room for an aside to sing the praises of Selmo’s Portuguese restaurant and cafe on Church Street/West Lane Ham
This is a place that knows how to do a good breakfast. A modest £4.90 gets you a full spread of sausage, egg, bacon, beans, mushrooms, chips, toast and tea/coffee (I took hash browns instead of the beans, as is my wont). Service was swift and the food was hot and delicious.
Not only this, but they provide a superb Portuguese evening meal menu. A lunch with four friends here last week saw us stuffed silly on 8 unexpectedly generous tapas dishes – including clams, mussels, squid salad, a fantastic flame-grilled sausage that was served on a special dish with the flames still crackling around it, prawns, chicken wings and more. All was served in double quick time, along with a bottle of ‘green wine’ (taken out of curiosity, and turned out to be rather good) and bread and olives – and hit us with a grand total bill of £56. Can’t sing the praises of this place highly enough – it’s an absolute delight, and I’ll be back there on a regular basis. Which is more than I can say for the Breakfast Club.